You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
