Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
