It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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