i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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