Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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