he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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