You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
