i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
