this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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