Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
