We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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