i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Your penis caused this!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
