i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
