he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
