At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
