1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
