I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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