i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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