my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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