90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
