Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
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