ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
not ubering you a puppy
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
