Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
