Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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