Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
how drunk are you?
Several
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
