Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just gift wrapped bread.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
