Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
