maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
