Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
