Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
