so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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