I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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