so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
