the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
