it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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