Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
