Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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