this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
