I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
