Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
