Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
