I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
