her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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