Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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