I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
