he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Your cock deserves a montage
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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