Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
