I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
