yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
