Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
