Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
is it fun? or sober?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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