you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
