I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
